I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
