While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
