On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We are all done wearing pants today
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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