she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
