I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
