Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
