Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
