i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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