I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
not ubering you a puppy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
