i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
