Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
