You smell like a Billy Joel song
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
