well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
