Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
