Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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