all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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