ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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