ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
