lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
