She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
