i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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