Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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