Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
