Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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