so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
