You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
