I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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