If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so let's talk penis.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the liver wants what the liver wants
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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