Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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