I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
