I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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