If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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