I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
