Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
