even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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