I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
