A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
