Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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