were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
