This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
