I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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