if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
