I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
