I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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