OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
