can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
