i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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