Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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