You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
