Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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