STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The uberlube is also flammable
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
